Dear Children,
As I woke up this morning and pulled on my yoga pants, that were left like firefighter turnout gear on the floor next to my bed, I was instantly thinking about you.
Not your breakfast or what I would scrounge up for your lunch (I’ll probably feel guilty about that half ass effort later), but the constant struggle I feel to teach you independence while also protecting you from EVERYTHING EVERYWHERE at all times.
This instant thought is the result of wisely spending my time on social media last night before bed. I know better. I tell others not to! But there I was… reading a post about how Sally was fine with her child having social media because she regularly checks it all, but Sue was not because you can never see all of the things they look at. But Sally said that we should be guiding them through social media because it is part of our world now… Sue wasn’t having it. Neither was Sarah. Oh had I not mentioned that Sarah was quietly liking certain comments but not others to show her support? Sally needed back up and thankfully Sam came to her rescue and fully supported Sue’s child being on social media because her child has been on it for awhile and hasn’t had any problems.
If we can get past the irony of this debate taking place on social media, then let’s try and deconstruct what Sally, Sue, Sarah, and Sam were all going through. Four different moms, 4 different kids, 4 different households, and 4 different writing styles to convey their points of view which will be misconstrued by anyone who disagrees with it. What could go wrong?! This is purely speculation, but I’m guessing that no one left that debate feeling great. I wasn’t even a part of it, but I left it feeling doubt, fear, and worried that my name didn’t start with an S.
So number one is that I shouldn’t have read it. Should you? Yes, go for it! But I personally can’t read something like that and not get in my head about it. But here’s the thing, do you consider all the aspects of those thoughts and opinions? Like, if you are judging Sally and Sam for letting there kids have social media, did you know that Sally and her husband have recently gotten divorced and the phone became the lifeline for her child to communicate with both parents and that the social media apps seemed fun and were giving her child some joy during a very difficult situation? No? Yeah, neither did I because I DON’T KNOW THEM! Yelling for the people in the back to hear. I don’t know any of them. It feels like I do because they are in the same Mom’s group I’m in for our city, but I don’t. And let’s not forget Sue and Sarah… they are adamant that our kids will be bullied or become depressed or get sex trafficked. All valid concerns and maybe Sue has already had a negative experience on social media to validate them. Don’t know.
But as I go round and round with these thoughts, it occurs to me that I’m suddenly also concerned about what other’s think of my own decisions concerning my kids. How did that happen? And was that even what I was initially worried about? But that’s the sneaky part of social media… the killer of joy… the comparison trap. I walked right in it and didn’t even realize it until I wondered if one of my dear friends was a Sally or a Sue!
So now I have multiple issues I’m worried about and it’s almost midnight. And what even started all of this? Oh yes… because I was on social media trying to relax.
Now before y’all jump in and say that you wouldn’t have thought about all of it like that, I will throw out my disclaimer… that is the point. None of us think in the same way, we don’t process things in the same way, and we don’t “hear” text in the same way. I agree. Stalemate. I don’t know what’s best for you and your family and you don’t know what’s best for mine. Opinions can be extremely helpful in certain situations, but be prepared to filter them into a place that isn’t just causing noise that drowns out your own instincts and thoughts.
So is this post about social media? Is it about letting our children have freedom and independence? Is it about a new book I’m writing where Sally, Sue, Sarah, and Sam all come together to start a podcast to stop them from being on social media? Or is it maybe, just a reminder that as a forty year old woman, even I got discouraged, sad, and sleepless over an online conversation that I wasn’t even a part of, hadn’t even been thinking about, and should have known better than to take to heart… but I did.
And I think I just answered MY own question on whether or not MY kids are ready to handle social media at their ages.
xoxo
B