As I woke up this morning and pulled on my yoga pants, that were left like firefighter turnout gear on the floor next to my bed, I was instantly thinking about you.  

Not your breakfast or what I would scrounge up for your lunch (I’ll probably feel guilty about that half ass effort later), but the constant struggle I feel to teach you independence while also protecting you from EVERYTHING EVERYWHERE at all times.

This instant thought is the result of wisely spending my time on social media last night before bed. I know better. I tell others not to! But there I was… reading a post about how Sally was fine with her child having social media because she regularly checks it all, but Sue was not because you can never see all of the things they look at. But Sally said that we should be guiding them through social media because it is part of our world now… Sue wasn’t having it. Neither was Sarah. Oh had I not mentioned that Sarah was quietly liking certain comments but not others to show her support? Sally needed back up and thankfully Sam came to her rescue and fully supported Sue’s child being on social media because her child has been on it for awhile and hasn’t had any problems.

If we can get past the irony of this debate taking place on social media, then let’s try and deconstruct what Sally, Sue, Sarah, and Sam were all going through. Four different moms, 4 different kids, 4 different households, and 4 different writing styles to convey their points of view which will be misconstrued by anyone who disagrees with it. What could go wrong?! This is purely speculation, but I’m guessing that no one left that debate feeling great. I wasn’t even a part of it, but I left it feeling doubt, fear, and worried that my name didn’t start with an S.

So number one is that I shouldn’t have read it. Should you? Yes, go for it! But I personally can’t read something like that and not get in my head about it. But here’s the thing, do you consider all the aspects of those thoughts and opinions? Like, if you are judging Sally and Sam for letting there kids have social media, did you know that Sally and her husband have recently gotten divorced and the phone became the lifeline for her child to communicate with both parents and that the social media apps seemed fun and were giving her child some joy during a very difficult situation? No? Yeah, neither did I because I DON’T KNOW THEM! Yelling for the people in the back to hear. I don’t know any of them. It feels like I do because they are in the same Mom’s group I’m in for our city, but I don’t. And let’s not forget Sue and Sarah… they are adamant that our kids will be bullied or become depressed or get sex trafficked. All valid concerns and maybe Sue has already had a negative experience on social media to validate them. Don’t know.

But as I go round and round with these thoughts, it occurs to me that I’m suddenly also concerned about what other’s think of my own decisions concerning my kids. How did that happen? And was that even what I was initially worried about? But that’s the sneaky part of social media… the killer of joy… the comparison trap. I walked right in it and didn’t even realize it until I wondered if one of my dear friends was a Sally or a Sue!

So now I have multiple issues I’m worried about and it’s almost midnight. And what even started all of this? Oh yes… because I was on social media trying to relax.

Now before y’all jump in and say that you wouldn’t have thought about all of it like that, I will throw out my disclaimer… that is the point. None of us think in the same way, we don’t process things in the same way, and we don’t “hear” text in the same way. I agree. Stalemate. I don’t know what’s best for you and your family and you don’t know what’s best for mine. Opinions can be extremely helpful in certain situations, but be prepared to filter them into a place that isn’t just causing noise that drowns out your own instincts and thoughts.

So is this post about social media? Is it about letting our children have freedom and independence? Is it about a new book I’m writing where Sally, Sue, Sarah, and Sam all come together to start a podcast to stop them from being on social media? Or is it maybe, just a reminder that as a forty year old woman, even I got discouraged, sad, and sleepless over an online conversation that I wasn’t even a part of, hadn’t even been thinking about, and should have known better than to take to heart… but I did.

And I think I just answered MY own question on whether or not MY kids are ready to handle social media at their ages.

xoxo

B

The post The Comparison Trap appeared first on Windgate Lane.

There is a term that I need all of you to recognize before we go any further though.

Term:  TheySayers

Meaning:  Those that say the things.

So I found that most of the advice given is from these TheySayers.  For example: “They say that time heals all wounds”  ” They say that love lasts forever”  “They say that good things take time”  “They say if you love something, to set it free”  “They say that I’m crazy.”  Ok, that last one has only been said a few times.  But who are these TheySayers?! They must get tired… so much advice.

I say these things a bit facetiously, but I do understand the sentiments behind them when they are shared.  It’s the knowledge that there isn’t a perfect thing to say to someone who is picking up the pieces of their heart, who is battling cancer, who is struggling with depression, who is battling addiction, who has just lost the love of their life, who is feeling lost.  If I knew the words that could make me feel better on down days then I would have tattooed them on my face!

We’ve all adopted the TheySayers thoughts as go to’s in times of distress.  And I’m guilty too (raises hand)!  I have sat, hand in hand, with my dear friend hours after her husband died in an accident and not had one word in my mind that could possibly bring comfort or meaning to her.  I’ve sat with my 9 year old while he couldn’t sleep for nights after a traumatic loss and literally begged my brain to find the words! But once you have truly known that kind of grief, you know that the TheySayers had good intentions, but brought no comfort.

So how do we give comfort? How do we receive comfort?

We don’t put our expectations on them.

Let that soak in.  We don’t get to decide how they handle their situation.  We don’t get to decide when they should stop feeling bad.  We don’t get to judge who they want to talk to or don’t want to talk to.  We don’t get to feel bad that they didn’t take our advice.  And why?  Because every single situation is different.  It is never cut and dry.  One person’s walk through grief is explosive and angry and they are going to tell you about it, while another’s is silent and long and happens in waves and neither way is wrong.

But how do we know what to do for them, Bridget?! Good question.  I’m still working on that but the one tried and true method I have is doing two things.

1. Prayer/ Good thoughts/ Good vibes- whatever your choice is.  For me personally, I pray for God to surround them in love and comfort and provide them with the right people to help them through such a difficult time and if that’s me, then I am happy to serve.  Give them the love of your thoughts.  Don’t forget them.
2. Which leads to number two.  Has it been on your mind to call them, but maybe you haven’t because of the aforementioned, I have no clue what to say convo?  I get it.  Text them and say you just had them on your mind and you’re sending love.  It’s that simple.

To feel that you have not been forgotten, that your pain is not invisible, is a huge gift.  Don’t understand what someone else is going through? Take heart, they may not know exactly what they are going through either and may just need to know they aren’t alone.  Don’t forget them.  Their silence, while suffering, is not usually a choice.

Matthew 5:4 Says ‘Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.’

Can we fix, can we change, can we talk it away? Probably not.  Can we comfort? Yes.  In the smallest ways anyone can bring comfort.  Never decide that what you can offer is not enough.  A text, a call, a milk shake on a random afternoon.

Let’s provide the comfort and let the TheySayers rest for a bit.

xoxo

Bridget

The post Who are “They”? appeared first on Windgate Lane.

One of my friends got a note from a girl that said do you like me, yes or no? I cringed a bit on the inside because as a girl, this sounded like a heartbreak waiting to happen.  I said what did he do with the note? Well I told him that he shouldn’t write back but he should talk to her tomorrow and ask if they could just be friends, just like you told me I should do if I ever got asked that.  This had turned into the most amazing drive home from school we had ever had!

As the only girl in our house, I have tried to be very aware of how men prefer to communicate and I’ve also tried to explain to them how it feels to be on the other side.  As my handsome young man has had some admirers before, and been embarrassed by it, we have had several conversations on what to do and say if this happens to protect both his heart and hers.  I’ve told him that it’s a very brave things to share with someone that you have feelings for them and that it shouldn’t be ignored but you also don’t have to return the same feelings.  We don’t answer notes because it’s not that simple.  It’s not a yes or no.  It’s a thank you, but I’d be happy if we could just be friends.  And it won’t be easy and you will have to be brave to go talk to her just like she was brave to ask you.

Oh my Angel, you made me so proud today.  You heard those conversations and took them to heart and then took it a step further and encouraged a brand new friend to be easy with another’s heart as well.  You won’t always take my advice and that’s fine, but this one warmed my heart so! You make me so proud and knowing that you have such a caring heart above all else, let’s me know that you are as much your grandmother as you are your grandfather.

I know you are hurting this week.  It’s a tough one.  This time last year our dear friend passed suddenly and your little heart was thrown and lost.  I prayed and prayed for your heart to heal and for you to let me help you navigate this horrible road of grief.  It wasn’t a road I wanted you to have to be on again in your short life time but we got through it.  It was months before I saw the light in your eyes again, as it had been, but it was pain that strengthened you and I know helped you to become the young man who isn’t afraid to show others how to care for broken hearts.

xoxo

Month of Thoughts and Prayers

First Entry

The post Healing Hearts appeared first on Windgate Lane.

I pictured you undoing all the tucking in and moving of precious stuffed animals so that you could pull back your curtains and stare out the window in your new room.  And then in complete excitement, running down to get me to share in it.

That’s how I feel every day.  So excited to share in this life with you.  Almost in disbelief that I get to love you for my life and beyond.  The way you love me has changed me in so many ways and filled me with all I need.  I pray that my love for you will always give you strength and peace.

My prayers change daily for you.  Most often they are just of thanks.  Thankful for your smile, your love, your laugh, your love of your family, your sensitive heart.

Thank you for coming down after bed last night my angel.  It woke my heart up to remember to be so thankful, so grateful, and completely in this moment of time with you.

You are all the best things.

-Month of Prayers

The post The Best Things appeared first on Windgate Lane.

I am in the waiting room.  I feel like I have been in the waiting room for 8 months.  It’s been a series of waiting rooms, each designed to test my faith and patience and I’m not convinced I’ve improved in either but I still see the lesson.  The first was waiting for my own surgery.  It had to be done and I had made every possible arrangement I could to ensure my family would be ok while I was out of commission.  The mom guilt was enough to want to just stay in pain.  But they would be ok, right? This felt different though because I knew I would be completely out of commission for at least two weeks.

As I waited in the waiting room with my husband, I suddenly felt panic that I had never had.  Panic that something would go wrong, that my boys would lose me as I had lost my Mom.  That waiting room will do funny things to you.  It will twist your thoughts, it will send your mind down worm holes that almost take the breath right out of you.  I ended up quickly writing letters to the four most precious people in my life.  Four men.  I wrote about the thoughts, the pain, and the heartache that they would feel and then to the strength and love that I knew would still surround them.  I wrote of individual moments and joy.  I wrote of my thankfulness.  My father, my husband, and my two sons, all waiting.

My husband sat in the waiting room without me for 9 hours that day.  Things went wrong.  The plan was changed.  I can only imagine his thoughts during that time.  But after the wait, it was time to wait some more.

The next waiting room was all internal.  I sat and I waited.  Waited to feel better, waited to feel normal, waited to see what good I could find in this huge curve ball thrown at my family.  But it wasn’t the worst waiting room to sit in.  That one was just around the corner.  The worst one was the one I never got to sit in.

The finality was deafening.  Our friend, our neighbor, the loudest laugh in our life, gone before anyone could wait or ask or pray or beg.  One phone call and all I heard was, “He’s in Heaven.”  His story is not for me to tell, but Heaven is a lucky place and I look forward to giving him a hard time again one day.

A different waiting room yet again. There is no end to this waiting room.  I’ve sat in this one before.  There are several different doors, but there is not a clear way out.  It’s grief.  It’s a weight that can’t be lifted.  My husband helped me into the viewing.  Afterwards we sat in our car both inconsolable, knowing that we had just said goodbye to not only a dear friend, but our boys had lost such a special man in their life.  So what do we wait for now? Do we wait to feel better? Do we wait to see if we can help our precious friend and her daughter out of the deepest pain they have ever known?  No, we wouldn’t wait, we would just do.  We swore right there that we would never stop helping them look for those doors out of the pain.  Even if it only gave them moments of relief.

This will be the first time on Windgate Lane that I will quote a Bible Verse.  “After this manner therefore pray ye: Our Father which art in heaven, hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come. Thy will be done in earth, as it is in heaven” (Matthew 6:9-10, KJV).  Thy will be done.  To me this means that I will get on my knees and relinquish what I believe should and shouldn’t be in my life. I will live in a way that waits, but doesn’t question.  How does that look? I don’t know.  It looks messy I guess.  It looks like tears, laughter, fighting exhaustion that feels unbeatable, and finding strength again and again.

Was there purpose in all this pain?  Yes.  The tears on the floor were wept in the greatest love that I have ever seen.  Because love doesn’t know bounds of life and death, it is one in the same.  Inexplicable gut wrenching beauty is seen while laying a soul to rest.  You will see every emotion mirrored by an opposite, because in that waiting room it is all the same.

So it wasn’t ever just a waiting room, it was sitting in the mirrors of emotions.  The family to my right learned that there mom’s surgery wasn’t as extensive as they had thought and would make a full recovery from her cancer.  In his overalls, this man, father, husband stood and embraced the doctor as tears fell.  He had no words.  Probably because he has sat here before.  He has sat in the uncertainty and gotten the news that didn’t bring on the same kind of tears.

The Asian family was spoken to softly and went back to see their loved one, the man was finally taken back, and then it was just me and his ring.  An hour longer than expected and the fear and thoughts started to creep in.  What would happen? What would change our plan? Would I figure it out? Would we be ok? But then I remembered… I can live in the wait… I can’t live in the question! Inevitably there isn’t a clear answer, and while we can all live in that frustration, we can also celebrate that there is never just one door to walk out of.

It was close to 4 hours that I sat silently holding his ring.  And then they opened the door and I got to cry my tears.  My tears of relief that he was ok, my tears of sadness that he would be entering a difficult recovery while I was still in one myself, and my tears of guilt that I would place the ring back on his finger and my husband was coming home when my dear friend’s didn’t.

Life is a waiting room.

The post The Waiting Room appeared first on Windgate Lane.

But it is also a room that has at times overwhelmed me with the memory of my Mom.  She was only able to visit twice after we moved here and once was flying down with me and the baby to move in.  She wasn’t able to help with the unloading, so while my dad, husband, and I worked to bring things in, she set up camp in the dining room and played with 4 month old Jack.  Just sitting on the floor in the empty room loving on my baby boy.  I hid myself in the bathroom and cried for a bit knowing that they would leave soon.  My best friends, my parents, and here I was leaving the nest in a big way with a baby of my own.  These are the moments you look back on and can see so clearly but have no idea that they will be so impactful.  The look on her face, the joy that the baby and she had just sitting there laughing at each other with their identical bright blue eyes.  This room had to be blue.  It had to be all the joy and the beautiful that was in that moment.

I did the paneling a couple of years ago and painted the navy above but it just never felt how it should.   The paint by numbers art has been a love of mine for awhile and all of the colors and landscapes just bring me joy to look at.   This room had to have joy! The biggest aspect that I kept missing was warmth.  How did I forget to add heart and warmth into it?! The curtains and lamps brought the heart right in.

I love to entertain and the silver collection has come from everywhere.  One piece was my Mom’s, friends have given them to me, thrift stores, even Target!  I am forever fighting the battle of no storage in this house so I decided that this was not something I should hide.  Let’s just have it out and ready to go!  I will also never stop mixing metals… you can’t make me.

I kept the table setting simple.  The chargers and plates were wedding presents, the glass bowls are from Ikea and then the little white berry bowls are a set of milk glass bowls I lucked into at an antique store.  I did not expect such a challenge when I wanted to find Peonies for my centerpiece but I apparently wanted the only flower not readily available! I’m no quitter though!

The bar cart also stayed simple.  Those of you with keen eyes will notice that the caning got another coat of navy spray paint.  I loved the blue I first did but once the room was coming together I decided it needed to be more subtle.   The metal bells hanging above I found at the Elephant’s Flea Market in New York last year and I have just been waiting for the perfect spot for them.  Happy memories ended up making this room perfect for me.  All the planning in the world but it turns out for my own spaces it just comes down to me and being able to look around and see love and memories.

Who knew a room make-over could help me learn so much about myself? I guess my therapy has always been creating and this was no different.  I created a space I love and did it for the person I love so dearly.  I know she is looking down and smiling.

Affiliate and Source List

| Chandelier | Rug | Red Marbled Lamps | Acrylic Chairs | Head Chairs | Source for Paint By Numbers Art here and here | Sources for Silver | Dishes here and here | Peach Curtains |

To start at the beginning of the One Room Challenge Journey jump here and to see the Master Bedroom Reveal Go Here!

Love you Mom.

B

The post |One Room Challenge| Dining Room Reveal and Sources appeared first on Windgate Lane.

The first thing I want to say is very politically correct but I honestly mean it.  If your child loves sports and wants to play it constantly and travel and you can afford to do so and you all love doing it… that is exactly what you should do!  There is a commonality I have seen where parents who have chosen Not to do something, find it ridiculous and assume it is unenjoyable and forced on everyone involved.  I sheepishly raise my hand here.  I have had those thoughts, but as life has shown me, I can be wrong… I know, it’s a painful statement.  There is a high probability that those families actually really love it!  So when you flippantly say “To each his own” just mean it and then go about doing what you love to do with your family.  It might just be that simple.

Here’s where I land.  My 9yr old has loved sports since the day he was born.  Seriously.  And it’s not just a love of playing them, it’s a love of understanding them.  Learning all of the rules and watching to see where he can improve and how he can help the team.  It’s a passion that at the age of 4 was even apparent and the joy he gets from playing on any sports field fills my heart on every sideline.  It has built his confidence, it has made him grin from ear to ear, and cry from frustration, he has won a lot, but he has lost and had to do it all over again as well.   He is his biggest competitor and as parents that’s where we participate.

As parents, my husband and I have made a continued effort to speak to him about what we find important about youth sports.  Let’s all say that again… Youth Sports.  They aren’t being paid and they aren’t getting a scholarship at 9… they could also end up hating the thing that they loved the most in 24hrs.  Perspective is key.

Now do I think that my son is ever going to hate a sport? No.  He’s not.  It is his heart and soul.  But at a young age, what are they supposed to be gaining from sports.

Character.  How do you behave on the sports field?  Do you encourage your teammates? Do you lift  up others when they feel discouraged?  Do you shake your opponents hands and mean it?  Do you listen and respect your coaches and referees? These are life lessons and will carry over in to all aspects of who they grow up to be.

Integrity.  Knowing that you are working with others and giving your all, no matter the outcome.  Playing fair and smart should leave you with the greatest satisfaction.

Knowledge.  As soon as you establish that sports at a young age are a privilege, the bigger benefits you can get from them.  My son has a great work ethic in school, but it doesn’t come naturally to him like sports does so we combined the two.  There is math in every sport, there is also memorization.  Any time he feels down about a school assignment, I remind him that I know he can do it because learning every soccer position requires the same attributes! And books… want to get a non reader to read?  Sports stories! All of those smarts that I see in him on the field can be pulled out in school to.  And remember the word privilege? Guess what?  We will take away his right to go to a game or practice in a heart beat if his attitude at home is not what it needs to be or his grades are not good… and for him… that is his worst nightmare. May not work for everyone, but it’s an aspect we see useful in establishing boundaries and priorities at this age.

Commitment.   Now while we have the right to take a sporting event away.  We also really make sure that our boys know that if they have asked and are signed up to a sport and a team, and we have spent money on it, we do expect them to commit.  Am I going to drag them to it kicking and screaming? No.  But that goes back to speaking to them and really explaining what signing up for it means.  If there comes a time when they are bored of it or just not wanting to go to a practice, it is a great lesson to learn that yes, there will be things we don’t want to do in life but we signed up and people are counting on us so we are going to fulfill that commitment.  I am not saying that all of these lessons will be understood and completely play out at this age, but I promise you, at some point there will be a moment when you can remind them of a certain situation to help them see the end result.  It may just be that they need the reminder next season to really help them decide if it’s something they want to do.

The Big L Word.  Lose.  They are going to lose and you know what? This is a big parenting opportunity! They are little, it’s going to be a big bummer for some of the more competitive kids, but that’s ok.  Tell them it’s ok to feel bummed out, tell them that you are bummed out for them.  It’s not going to help to tell them it’s not a big deal because to them it is, but what you can do after commiserating with them, is to find all the positives in what did happen and ask them what they might want to work on to get that win next time.  It puts the ball in there court (excuse the sports pun) to start thinking of it as a jumping off point rather than a dead end.  Complimenting the effort put forth is also a parenting win because if they tried hard, then that goes back to them building character.  The majority of kids don’t want to be coached by their parents and you telling them what they did wrong isn’t going to help them because they aren’t idiots, they already know and hopefully they have a good coach to help guide them in the right direction for next time.

Winner Winner Chicken Dinner.  The wins are exciting! Seeing your child experience the excitement of a big win can feel like you were running right next to them during the game.  Good sportsmanship will never fail them though if always encouraged.  Did your kid line up and give high fives and say good game to the other team?  Did he say thank you to the coach for giving his time and helping them with this achievement?  Did he see value in the hard work of it all?  That it was a team effort from the friend who sat more on the bench cheering, to the one who passed it to him to make that goal?

Now if you think that I point out all of these life lessons at every single game, then I’ve got a beach house in Nebraska to sell you.  But the point is that there are very valid and important lessons that can be incorporated into Youth Sports that I feel are often overlooked.  The win and the loss are the focus.  Do I love it for my kid when he wins? Heck yes! But do I want him to grow up thinking that’s the only time to find positives and celebrate? Heck no!

We live in the land of competitive youth sports here in Texas and I find myself getting caught up just like everyone else, but I am determined to find the life lesson rather than the biggest trophy.  My kid will always be competitive, but it’s still in my home, so that grants me the time to help him shape and mold it into a skill rather than a trait.

xoxo

B

The post The Role of Parents in Youth Sports appeared first on Windgate Lane.

There are several truths about HomeGoods that I think we all need to acknowledge.  Feelings that transpire just before, during, and after a shopping trip there are real and it’s time we just get it all out there!

Let’s just walk through the whole experience.  As you make the drive to HomeGoods you go over what you are looking for and vow to only look for said items.  Curtains… that’s it… you need curtains.

You pull in to park and the anxiety starts to build immediately.  You see them.  People are coming out with big bags and you instantly fear that they have gotten all the amazing things!

Now your blood is pumping and you gotta get in there before one more fabulous thing is gone!  But all that excitement and the fact that you’ve had children makes you realize that you need a potty break before you can start shopping.  Your brain is on overload… you’ve got to go in and force yourself past all the isles because if you start finding things and put them in your cart, you face the reality that while you are in the restroom someone could grab them!

Okay, you had your potty break and have attained a cart that does not have a squeaky wheel.  That would be too distracting.  It’s go time- time to focus! Knowing the map of the store in your head will be key and prioritizing those sections will help keep you from getting distracted and possibly missing an isle.  Lamps, Household Accessories, Pillows, Furniture, Bedding, and Kitchen.

Everything you see will cause you to question your home decor and style.  EVERYTHING.  You will suddenly feel compelled to possibly decorate monochromatic…

Or add in more metallic pieces…

And themes! what about all the themes… I like photography… do I need a faux antique camera?

Should we be going more nautical?! My head is spinning.

Lucite.  Lucite Lamps.  Lucite Letters.  Lucite Chairs (got some recently… couldn’t help it).  Where can we put all the Lucite?!

The sidetracking (that’s a word) can get pretty serious.  Oh are those Moscow Mule cups? Oprah loves those… I love Oprah… I must love and need Moscow Mule cups.

There are going to be times during the trip that can throw you.  Sometimes it’s the sheer amount of people in there who seem to be blocking your path to cute things at every turn… stay strong.  Sometimes this happens…

Just breath.  You will never know what was there and you’ve got to just move on.

And don’t even get me started on the pillows.  I’m not gonna tell you that you don’t need more pillows.  I would be the biggest hypocrite of all time.  Buy ALL the pillows!

Your cart is now filled with All The Things and as you casually stroll through the isles just one more time to be safe, you realize that 5hrs has just passed and it is time to pick up your children!

Watch (affiliate link)

It’s time to get in line.  This is going to cause a rush of emotions:  Excitement, Regret, Fear.  There are going to be more things up front… things that you never even knew you needed.  Notebooks, wrapping paper, new iPhone cases, yoga mats, mugs with cute words on them, snacks!

At this point you are also trying to decide which item or items you can part with should the total already be over your extended limit.  It’s usually the last minute grabs that you can let go with out having too much anxiety.  I like to call them… 2nd Dessert.  Everyone wants one but do you really need it? Notice I didn’t just call it dessert… momma ain’t givin that up.

You determine which credit card to use and justify any monetary amount by saying… Well at least it wasn’t $200! Meaning you round up to the next hundred and congratulate yourself on saving so much money.  And just like that… the whole day is over and it’s time to go home.

What did I get on this particular trip?  Well check them out here and I’ll show you how I’m sprucing things up for Valentine’s Day… all completely necessary purchases of course.

xoxo

B

Other Windgate Lane HomeGoods Faves:

Painted Lamp Shades

Pineapple Trend

Holiday Decor

The post The Truth About HomeGoods appeared first on Windgate Lane.

Paths collide and change in a heartbeat.  I had a week in my life 3 years ago that changed everything I thought would be, everything I imagined, everything I thought I was, and all I hoped to be.  I can’t say for certain that the changes were bad or good.  Grief makes it hard to tell.

The pain of loss has lessened for me and morphed into faint smiles instead of tears.  The dreams of reaching and reaching and trying to pull them back, trying to save what I couldn’t save, have stopped.  Time does heal some wounds.  It’s the empty that is hard to fill.  The space that was filled by that person, those words, that love that is reserved for that special person… our hearts are filled with those spaces and when it’s gone… it’s gone.

So you hold onto that person because the thought of physically losing a piece of your heart is unacceptable to your mind and body.  Until you aren’t strong enough to hold onto them… or you are strong enough to let go of them.  Grief is a nasty game of feeling the weakest you have ever felt and morphing it into the strongest person you will have to become.  Some days it is one in the same.  You fall to your knees in complete despair but are forced to stand moments later to raise your babies, to go to work, to fight to be the person you dreamed you were before…

But those dreams have changed.  Because without that piece of your heart, your thoughts have changed, your love has changed, the realities of life have forced thoughts and priorities that were once unimportant.

I’m quieter than I once was, my opinions have lessoned.  Not because I don’t have them or don’t care, I just don’t find it as important to try and convince.  The reality that people have their own story and their own truths has quieted me.  The fog of grief that I was initially in has lifted to see so many sides and angles to people, some good some bad, but all shaping and molding who they are both by choice and by chance.

I am flawed every single day.  But I am still trying to change my dreams to fit the new normal that grief has given me.  The extra weight I cary, the sad thoughts that creep into my mind, the bitterness and anger that decide to come out when I least expect it.   They will all be there but my hope is that I will release them easier as time plays it’s part and new dreams continue to form.

I can’t stop your hurt, but I can offer you this-  I am thinking of you and praying for your heart.  And for those who don’t know how to comfort others in these times of aching, sometimes acknowledgement of the pain is the greatest gift you can give.

Look for a smile today friends because you never know who needs it, and while you’re at it, give a few out!

xoxo

B

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That might actually be a short novel, and with it being summer, productivity is at an all time low with my two loves around all day.  But let’s start with a little tongue and cheek letter that I wrote to my husband the other day…

**Dear Husband,

I want you to know that early on in the day I was dressed and had make-up on (not gonna lie, the hair was mostly dry shampoo) but during the course of the day things took a turn.

Running one errand in 102 degree heat caused extensive damage to my make-up and I’m not sure, but I think dry shampoo does not do well when combined with sweat.

After I dried my arm pits out and had some lunch, the boys got me all packed up and ready to go to the pool! Which really consisted of me (still sweating) wriggling into my bathing suit which resulted in two pulled muscles, and then hog tying them both to apply lotion all while searching for the one minions flip flop that of course was found on the kitchen counter.

It was at the point that we arrived at the pool that I realized none of us had gone to the bathroom prior.

After 15 minutes of taking assorted swimsuits on and off that were all stuck to us like glue (102 degrees), we found some chairs, dumped our stuff and go in the luke warm pool.

My lifeguard duties ended about 2hrs later. I took 2 balls to the head (thank God my dry shampoo/ sweat mixture had created some sort of barrier) and then dragged two children (possibly my own) out of the pool along with about 8 bags of assorted pool toys and floats (also possibly my own).

The car ride home was pleasant. The hot air blowing on our faces… hungry, hot, and tired 6 and 8 year old boys in the back seat…

On arrival we all took showers and really relaxed! Getting wet suits off of water logged elephants comes to mind. Then trying to bath myself (don’t forget my pulled muscles) while fielding questions about dinner and shielding myself from being watched while trying to shower, I really used that time to get my head in the game!

You will be home soon dear husband and if you don’t find me downstairs with a hot meal on the table, I may be upstairs… in bed… with no make-up… and wet hair… and in the fetal position… **

Ahhhh yes… the fetal position.  I have some methods for getting a project done or even just getting the kitchen clean.   And I would be a huge liar if I didn’t tell you that putting on a movie is one of them!

My boys are rarely still.  Like never.  But if I know I need to have some uninterrupted time, (kinda) I will save a movie that might captivate them for awhile.  Not a ground breaking tip I realize! But let’s say I have to paint some furniture- I’m gonna need their little hands away from the action.

My other go to is having them help in some way!  I learned that tip from both my Mom and Dad.  They always included us in their projects and I loved it!

It is dependent though on if I am painting my own furniture or a client’s (they may not care for the globby look) but if they can do one side that I know will be against a wall- then have at it!

Especially if it’s a project for them- for instance the drawer fronts on these nightstands (details here) were pretty straightforward for my oldest son’s room and both boys helped to stain them and then wipe the stain off (yes they were wearing gloves).

And then this dresser (details here)… well the back of it might have a lot of uneven paint on it… but hey- it got done!

When you have a family, priorities change.  We have all been there- red faced and frustrated that every single thing we hoped to accomplished in a day was not even touched because of a million reasons, none of which we can really recall, but all of which helped to sustain the lives of our children!

Those days happen… but I still make a real effort to squeeze in some ME things- no matter what that means (fetal position).

Hang in there Momma’s- it’s a heck of a thing we do everyday and if we can accomplish a few things of our own, I think it just shows our kids that we value ourselves and work hard too!

Thanks again Meagan! And Don’t forget to check out the rest of the fun posts in this series!

Day 1 Mamas:

Jillian @ I Am a Homemaker

Bee @ Windgate Lane

Alice @ Thoughts from Alice

Charlotte @ Ciburbanity

Amy @ Her Tool Belt

Day 2 Mamas:

Danielle @ 2 Little Superheroes

Amanda @ Dwelling in Happiness

Rachel @ Shades of Blue Interiors

Jen @ Migonis Home

And just for fun we are also throwing in a giveaway! Enter to win a $15 giveaway to Lowes and Target for a little fun summer shopping
#DIYmama Giveaway

xoxo

B

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