As I woke up this morning and pulled on my yoga pants, that were left like firefighter turnout gear on the floor next to my bed, I was instantly thinking about you.  

Not your breakfast or what I would scrounge up for your lunch (I’ll probably feel guilty about that half ass effort later), but the constant struggle I feel to teach you independence while also protecting you from EVERYTHING EVERYWHERE at all times.

This instant thought is the result of wisely spending my time on social media last night before bed. I know better. I tell others not to! But there I was… reading a post about how Sally was fine with her child having social media because she regularly checks it all, but Sue was not because you can never see all of the things they look at. But Sally said that we should be guiding them through social media because it is part of our world now… Sue wasn’t having it. Neither was Sarah. Oh had I not mentioned that Sarah was quietly liking certain comments but not others to show her support? Sally needed back up and thankfully Sam came to her rescue and fully supported Sue’s child being on social media because her child has been on it for awhile and hasn’t had any problems.

If we can get past the irony of this debate taking place on social media, then let’s try and deconstruct what Sally, Sue, Sarah, and Sam were all going through. Four different moms, 4 different kids, 4 different households, and 4 different writing styles to convey their points of view which will be misconstrued by anyone who disagrees with it. What could go wrong?! This is purely speculation, but I’m guessing that no one left that debate feeling great. I wasn’t even a part of it, but I left it feeling doubt, fear, and worried that my name didn’t start with an S.

So number one is that I shouldn’t have read it. Should you? Yes, go for it! But I personally can’t read something like that and not get in my head about it. But here’s the thing, do you consider all the aspects of those thoughts and opinions? Like, if you are judging Sally and Sam for letting there kids have social media, did you know that Sally and her husband have recently gotten divorced and the phone became the lifeline for her child to communicate with both parents and that the social media apps seemed fun and were giving her child some joy during a very difficult situation? No? Yeah, neither did I because I DON’T KNOW THEM! Yelling for the people in the back to hear. I don’t know any of them. It feels like I do because they are in the same Mom’s group I’m in for our city, but I don’t. And let’s not forget Sue and Sarah… they are adamant that our kids will be bullied or become depressed or get sex trafficked. All valid concerns and maybe Sue has already had a negative experience on social media to validate them. Don’t know.

But as I go round and round with these thoughts, it occurs to me that I’m suddenly also concerned about what other’s think of my own decisions concerning my kids. How did that happen? And was that even what I was initially worried about? But that’s the sneaky part of social media… the killer of joy… the comparison trap. I walked right in it and didn’t even realize it until I wondered if one of my dear friends was a Sally or a Sue!

So now I have multiple issues I’m worried about and it’s almost midnight. And what even started all of this? Oh yes… because I was on social media trying to relax.

Now before y’all jump in and say that you wouldn’t have thought about all of it like that, I will throw out my disclaimer… that is the point. None of us think in the same way, we don’t process things in the same way, and we don’t “hear” text in the same way. I agree. Stalemate. I don’t know what’s best for you and your family and you don’t know what’s best for mine. Opinions can be extremely helpful in certain situations, but be prepared to filter them into a place that isn’t just causing noise that drowns out your own instincts and thoughts.

So is this post about social media? Is it about letting our children have freedom and independence? Is it about a new book I’m writing where Sally, Sue, Sarah, and Sam all come together to start a podcast to stop them from being on social media? Or is it maybe, just a reminder that as a forty year old woman, even I got discouraged, sad, and sleepless over an online conversation that I wasn’t even a part of, hadn’t even been thinking about, and should have known better than to take to heart… but I did.

And I think I just answered MY own question on whether or not MY kids are ready to handle social media at their ages.

xoxo

B

The post The Comparison Trap appeared first on Windgate Lane.

One of my friends got a note from a girl that said do you like me, yes or no? I cringed a bit on the inside because as a girl, this sounded like a heartbreak waiting to happen.  I said what did he do with the note? Well I told him that he shouldn’t write back but he should talk to her tomorrow and ask if they could just be friends, just like you told me I should do if I ever got asked that.  This had turned into the most amazing drive home from school we had ever had!

As the only girl in our house, I have tried to be very aware of how men prefer to communicate and I’ve also tried to explain to them how it feels to be on the other side.  As my handsome young man has had some admirers before, and been embarrassed by it, we have had several conversations on what to do and say if this happens to protect both his heart and hers.  I’ve told him that it’s a very brave things to share with someone that you have feelings for them and that it shouldn’t be ignored but you also don’t have to return the same feelings.  We don’t answer notes because it’s not that simple.  It’s not a yes or no.  It’s a thank you, but I’d be happy if we could just be friends.  And it won’t be easy and you will have to be brave to go talk to her just like she was brave to ask you.

Oh my Angel, you made me so proud today.  You heard those conversations and took them to heart and then took it a step further and encouraged a brand new friend to be easy with another’s heart as well.  You won’t always take my advice and that’s fine, but this one warmed my heart so! You make me so proud and knowing that you have such a caring heart above all else, let’s me know that you are as much your grandmother as you are your grandfather.

I know you are hurting this week.  It’s a tough one.  This time last year our dear friend passed suddenly and your little heart was thrown and lost.  I prayed and prayed for your heart to heal and for you to let me help you navigate this horrible road of grief.  It wasn’t a road I wanted you to have to be on again in your short life time but we got through it.  It was months before I saw the light in your eyes again, as it had been, but it was pain that strengthened you and I know helped you to become the young man who isn’t afraid to show others how to care for broken hearts.

xoxo

Month of Thoughts and Prayers

First Entry

The post Healing Hearts appeared first on Windgate Lane.

I pictured you undoing all the tucking in and moving of precious stuffed animals so that you could pull back your curtains and stare out the window in your new room.  And then in complete excitement, running down to get me to share in it.

That’s how I feel every day.  So excited to share in this life with you.  Almost in disbelief that I get to love you for my life and beyond.  The way you love me has changed me in so many ways and filled me with all I need.  I pray that my love for you will always give you strength and peace.

My prayers change daily for you.  Most often they are just of thanks.  Thankful for your smile, your love, your laugh, your love of your family, your sensitive heart.

Thank you for coming down after bed last night my angel.  It woke my heart up to remember to be so thankful, so grateful, and completely in this moment of time with you.

You are all the best things.

-Month of Prayers

The post The Best Things appeared first on Windgate Lane.

The first thing I want to say is very politically correct but I honestly mean it.  If your child loves sports and wants to play it constantly and travel and you can afford to do so and you all love doing it… that is exactly what you should do!  There is a commonality I have seen where parents who have chosen Not to do something, find it ridiculous and assume it is unenjoyable and forced on everyone involved.  I sheepishly raise my hand here.  I have had those thoughts, but as life has shown me, I can be wrong… I know, it’s a painful statement.  There is a high probability that those families actually really love it!  So when you flippantly say “To each his own” just mean it and then go about doing what you love to do with your family.  It might just be that simple.

Here’s where I land.  My 9yr old has loved sports since the day he was born.  Seriously.  And it’s not just a love of playing them, it’s a love of understanding them.  Learning all of the rules and watching to see where he can improve and how he can help the team.  It’s a passion that at the age of 4 was even apparent and the joy he gets from playing on any sports field fills my heart on every sideline.  It has built his confidence, it has made him grin from ear to ear, and cry from frustration, he has won a lot, but he has lost and had to do it all over again as well.   He is his biggest competitor and as parents that’s where we participate.

As parents, my husband and I have made a continued effort to speak to him about what we find important about youth sports.  Let’s all say that again… Youth Sports.  They aren’t being paid and they aren’t getting a scholarship at 9… they could also end up hating the thing that they loved the most in 24hrs.  Perspective is key.

Now do I think that my son is ever going to hate a sport? No.  He’s not.  It is his heart and soul.  But at a young age, what are they supposed to be gaining from sports.

Character.  How do you behave on the sports field?  Do you encourage your teammates? Do you lift  up others when they feel discouraged?  Do you shake your opponents hands and mean it?  Do you listen and respect your coaches and referees? These are life lessons and will carry over in to all aspects of who they grow up to be.

Integrity.  Knowing that you are working with others and giving your all, no matter the outcome.  Playing fair and smart should leave you with the greatest satisfaction.

Knowledge.  As soon as you establish that sports at a young age are a privilege, the bigger benefits you can get from them.  My son has a great work ethic in school, but it doesn’t come naturally to him like sports does so we combined the two.  There is math in every sport, there is also memorization.  Any time he feels down about a school assignment, I remind him that I know he can do it because learning every soccer position requires the same attributes! And books… want to get a non reader to read?  Sports stories! All of those smarts that I see in him on the field can be pulled out in school to.  And remember the word privilege? Guess what?  We will take away his right to go to a game or practice in a heart beat if his attitude at home is not what it needs to be or his grades are not good… and for him… that is his worst nightmare. May not work for everyone, but it’s an aspect we see useful in establishing boundaries and priorities at this age.

Commitment.   Now while we have the right to take a sporting event away.  We also really make sure that our boys know that if they have asked and are signed up to a sport and a team, and we have spent money on it, we do expect them to commit.  Am I going to drag them to it kicking and screaming? No.  But that goes back to speaking to them and really explaining what signing up for it means.  If there comes a time when they are bored of it or just not wanting to go to a practice, it is a great lesson to learn that yes, there will be things we don’t want to do in life but we signed up and people are counting on us so we are going to fulfill that commitment.  I am not saying that all of these lessons will be understood and completely play out at this age, but I promise you, at some point there will be a moment when you can remind them of a certain situation to help them see the end result.  It may just be that they need the reminder next season to really help them decide if it’s something they want to do.

The Big L Word.  Lose.  They are going to lose and you know what? This is a big parenting opportunity! They are little, it’s going to be a big bummer for some of the more competitive kids, but that’s ok.  Tell them it’s ok to feel bummed out, tell them that you are bummed out for them.  It’s not going to help to tell them it’s not a big deal because to them it is, but what you can do after commiserating with them, is to find all the positives in what did happen and ask them what they might want to work on to get that win next time.  It puts the ball in there court (excuse the sports pun) to start thinking of it as a jumping off point rather than a dead end.  Complimenting the effort put forth is also a parenting win because if they tried hard, then that goes back to them building character.  The majority of kids don’t want to be coached by their parents and you telling them what they did wrong isn’t going to help them because they aren’t idiots, they already know and hopefully they have a good coach to help guide them in the right direction for next time.

Winner Winner Chicken Dinner.  The wins are exciting! Seeing your child experience the excitement of a big win can feel like you were running right next to them during the game.  Good sportsmanship will never fail them though if always encouraged.  Did your kid line up and give high fives and say good game to the other team?  Did he say thank you to the coach for giving his time and helping them with this achievement?  Did he see value in the hard work of it all?  That it was a team effort from the friend who sat more on the bench cheering, to the one who passed it to him to make that goal?

Now if you think that I point out all of these life lessons at every single game, then I’ve got a beach house in Nebraska to sell you.  But the point is that there are very valid and important lessons that can be incorporated into Youth Sports that I feel are often overlooked.  The win and the loss are the focus.  Do I love it for my kid when he wins? Heck yes! But do I want him to grow up thinking that’s the only time to find positives and celebrate? Heck no!

We live in the land of competitive youth sports here in Texas and I find myself getting caught up just like everyone else, but I am determined to find the life lesson rather than the biggest trophy.  My kid will always be competitive, but it’s still in my home, so that grants me the time to help him shape and mold it into a skill rather than a trait.

xoxo

B

The post The Role of Parents in Youth Sports appeared first on Windgate Lane.

That might actually be a short novel, and with it being summer, productivity is at an all time low with my two loves around all day.  But let’s start with a little tongue and cheek letter that I wrote to my husband the other day…

**Dear Husband,

I want you to know that early on in the day I was dressed and had make-up on (not gonna lie, the hair was mostly dry shampoo) but during the course of the day things took a turn.

Running one errand in 102 degree heat caused extensive damage to my make-up and I’m not sure, but I think dry shampoo does not do well when combined with sweat.

After I dried my arm pits out and had some lunch, the boys got me all packed up and ready to go to the pool! Which really consisted of me (still sweating) wriggling into my bathing suit which resulted in two pulled muscles, and then hog tying them both to apply lotion all while searching for the one minions flip flop that of course was found on the kitchen counter.

It was at the point that we arrived at the pool that I realized none of us had gone to the bathroom prior.

After 15 minutes of taking assorted swimsuits on and off that were all stuck to us like glue (102 degrees), we found some chairs, dumped our stuff and go in the luke warm pool.

My lifeguard duties ended about 2hrs later. I took 2 balls to the head (thank God my dry shampoo/ sweat mixture had created some sort of barrier) and then dragged two children (possibly my own) out of the pool along with about 8 bags of assorted pool toys and floats (also possibly my own).

The car ride home was pleasant. The hot air blowing on our faces… hungry, hot, and tired 6 and 8 year old boys in the back seat…

On arrival we all took showers and really relaxed! Getting wet suits off of water logged elephants comes to mind. Then trying to bath myself (don’t forget my pulled muscles) while fielding questions about dinner and shielding myself from being watched while trying to shower, I really used that time to get my head in the game!

You will be home soon dear husband and if you don’t find me downstairs with a hot meal on the table, I may be upstairs… in bed… with no make-up… and wet hair… and in the fetal position… **

Ahhhh yes… the fetal position.  I have some methods for getting a project done or even just getting the kitchen clean.   And I would be a huge liar if I didn’t tell you that putting on a movie is one of them!

My boys are rarely still.  Like never.  But if I know I need to have some uninterrupted time, (kinda) I will save a movie that might captivate them for awhile.  Not a ground breaking tip I realize! But let’s say I have to paint some furniture- I’m gonna need their little hands away from the action.

My other go to is having them help in some way!  I learned that tip from both my Mom and Dad.  They always included us in their projects and I loved it!

It is dependent though on if I am painting my own furniture or a client’s (they may not care for the globby look) but if they can do one side that I know will be against a wall- then have at it!

Especially if it’s a project for them- for instance the drawer fronts on these nightstands (details here) were pretty straightforward for my oldest son’s room and both boys helped to stain them and then wipe the stain off (yes they were wearing gloves).

And then this dresser (details here)… well the back of it might have a lot of uneven paint on it… but hey- it got done!

When you have a family, priorities change.  We have all been there- red faced and frustrated that every single thing we hoped to accomplished in a day was not even touched because of a million reasons, none of which we can really recall, but all of which helped to sustain the lives of our children!

Those days happen… but I still make a real effort to squeeze in some ME things- no matter what that means (fetal position).

Hang in there Momma’s- it’s a heck of a thing we do everyday and if we can accomplish a few things of our own, I think it just shows our kids that we value ourselves and work hard too!

Thanks again Meagan! And Don’t forget to check out the rest of the fun posts in this series!

Day 1 Mamas:

Jillian @ I Am a Homemaker

Bee @ Windgate Lane

Alice @ Thoughts from Alice

Charlotte @ Ciburbanity

Amy @ Her Tool Belt

Day 2 Mamas:

Danielle @ 2 Little Superheroes

Amanda @ Dwelling in Happiness

Rachel @ Shades of Blue Interiors

Jen @ Migonis Home

And just for fun we are also throwing in a giveaway! Enter to win a $15 giveaway to Lowes and Target for a little fun summer shopping
#DIYmama Giveaway

xoxo

B

The post Motherhood: Playing to Win appeared first on Windgate Lane.

I am my mother.

I am holding my little boy’s hands as she held mine.  I am wiping tears.  I am supporting my husband.  I am constantly looking and searching for ways to be a better wife and mother.  I am cheering at every baseball, football, soccer, and basketball game.  I am praying.  I am doubting.  I am questioning.  I am crying.  I am laughing.  I am learning.  I am selfish.  I am growing.  I am alone.  I am never alone.

At a point in my Mom’s illness, when we just couldn’t figure out what was wrong, I had a sleepless night wondering if she was just exhausted.  As a new mother, I suddenly feared that having four daughters and a husband with a worrisome job, had stretched her heart to the absolute limits.  Her mind to the depths of worry. Her body had carried and lifted more than it should have.  Could this be?  Could she have given us all she had?  Had we taken too much?

No.  Because now 8 whole years into this mothering thing, and in no ways an expert, I realize the different strength a mother has to possess.  It puts an extra layer around your heart, it makes your legs stronger, your eyes wider.

While I do know we stretched her mind, body, and soul to the limits, it wasn’t what caused her to be ill.  It was what brought her the greatest joy, pain, and strength that she had and what kept her fighting to stay with us as long as she did.

As a daughter, I sat and prayed and cried and inside I begged her to stay and be with us, hold my hand, answer my questions, love my babies, sing us Happy Birthday… but as a Mother, I told her I understood and that she could go.

Because that is what Mother’s do… they give.  They pray.  They say the hard things.  They cry.  They put the pieces back together.  They battle.  They lose.  They win.

And then they get up and do it all again the next day.  Never perfect.  But always trying.

She is still singing to us, she is still clapping and cheering right next to me at the boy’s games, she is still going through it all with me because our hearts are the same. But the Mom’s heart has to put the child’s before their own and while the daughter in me aches still… the Mom in me knows that she needed to be free of the body that mislead her and just in the soul that shined brighter than a star.

It will be Mother’s Day soon and I will take my babies and hug them tightly for I am thankful they gave me the strength to love harder.  Even on the days when I feel stretched to the max, I will try and remember that God has given me two more layers in my heart to help withstand the exhaustion and emotion.

But in reality, a Mom isn’t looking for a thank you or a present… she might just want a little nap and to know that you are ok.  That her baby is having a good day and happy and healthy and knows that they are loved.  For that, a mom can rest and the world seems a lot less scary.

xoxo

B

The post I Am My Mother. appeared first on Windgate Lane.

It’s been two weeks since the light bulb went out over my shower.  Yes, there are other lights in the bathroom, but it was still annoying.

Now get off your high ladder and stop judging me!  It takes a ladder and a special bulb, so I had to mentally force myself to remember it for two weeks every time I went to the store… clearly the whole mental list doesn’t always get checked off.

I got it though and then two days later I got the ladder and made it happen! I really can’t give you a good reason why this all took so long but I can give you a myriad of  lame ones, so let’s just move on, shall we?

I was giving myself a pretty big pat on the back until I turned it on (electrical safety tip- turn switch off while changing bulb).  And that’s where this story really takes off…

That light bulb was hiding a multitude of sins and was also the gateway to the tragic truth of the state of affairs in my house.  Does this happen to y’all? Do you have a moment when you have every intention of just doing that one thing- that one thing that will fulfill your duties- and then out of no where you are taken on a trip with Ebenezer Scrooge to see all of your short comings?!

That bulb.  Thought that shower was decent? Nope.  Thought the floor wasn’t too shabby… think again.

If you haven’t read the series of books by Laura Numeroff, you are missing out (you can find links to all of them in my online Amazon Store here.  They tell tales of giving an inch which can lead to a mile. If You Give a Pig a Pancake, If You Give a Mouse a Cookie, and If You Give a Moose a Muffin– clearly these are children’s books but they are also the story of my life!

If you give a Mom a Light Bulb… she will change said light bulb… she will then have to clean the shower… which will shed light on the dirty floor… and if the floor is dirty, the toilet must be as well.  Never mind the counters and sinks.  Oh and if that light bulb shines bright enough it might direct her attention into the closet.  No!  This has now become a real page turner!

If you give a Mom a Light Bulb… after she cleans the whole bathroom, she might have to clean the closet; if she looks inside the closet, she’s gonna have to do the laundry, and if she’s gonna do her own laundry (not including the yoga pants she’s been wearing for three days with not an ounce of yoga on them), she had better do the kid’s laundry.

IF you give a Mom a Light Bulb… She’s going to sort the laundry and lug it downstairs where she will see stray socks and even that pair of underwear under the dining room table and gather it all up.  A God Given Miracle will happen when she realizes that she doesn’t have to vacuum in order to sort the laundry on the floor because it’s all dirty anyway.

AND… if you give a Mom a Light Bulb… She will take that first of eight loads of laundry into the laundry room and realize that she needs to go back upstairs to get the ladder because…

She needs another light bulb.

Pin and share with all of your friends who’s to-do lists  are mini novels…

xoxo

B

**affiliate links are present in this post but all thoughts and opinions are my own**

The post Give a Mom a Light Bulb appeared first on Windgate Lane.

After a failed attempt at making my son a valance out of card board (don’t ask), I wanted to make him something that was sturdier!  I did this project during my Five Days/ Five Rooms Challenge but wanted to give you a better tutorial.

I had purchased this navy and white buffalo check at Ikea awhile back, knowing I would use it somewhere… and because I am obsessed with all checked things.

And after a quick search of my scrap wood in the garage- I found this old board that had the perfect aged look that I was hoping for!  I laid out my fabric and cut it down to the size I wanted with about an inch extra on each side.

I then used my trusty staple gun and stapled it along the back of the board.

After that- I folded the sides in that were hanging past the wood on each side and ironed them to the correct width.

I then used my Liquid Stitch to keep it all in place! It’s the sewing challenged person’s best friend! Just put some on and then iron over.  Easy Peasy!

The board already had two holes in it- so I held it against the wall- made sure it was level- and then colored in where the holes were with a pencil.  I did use anchors before the screws just to ensure that this one would not fall down like the old one.

I am the first to say that I hate blown out pictures- but unfortunately this room is the absolute worst for picture taking! So ya get what ya get!

The post DIY Valance appeared first on Windgate Lane.

My boy has been through several room make-overs- you can see the sports gallery I did for him by clicking here.

I had put up some bookshelves in there awhile ago but they just seemed over bearing and made the room dark.  It isn’t a huge room so I wanted to maximize space, so it seemed wise to put shelves above his dresser and remove the bookshelves.  I also gave him a lot more storage when I redid these Ikea nightstands for him- now he can put all of his books and treasures in them!

Awhile ago I redid some bookshelves in my office and had the old shelves from that left over- paired with some white Ikea brackets, they were the perfect compliment to his dark wood bed frame and the pop of white from the painted dresser that I did for him.  See?! boring nothing above!

But not boring anymore! and now so much more space in his room!

And the empty wall where the bookshelves were now has his fave Broncos flag and we can’t forget to represent MineCraft as all little boys have to;) The clock is from Ikea.

The best part about today is that he is so thrilled with it all! And both boys got to help in attaching the brackets to the wood shelves and then double and triple check to make sure they were level… meaning they just wanted to keep climbing up the ladder;)

Hope you are having a fabulous day!
xoxo
B

The post Big Boy Room appeared first on Windgate Lane.

After Haven I was contacted by the representative that was there for 3M and they asked if I needed any products for upcoming projects… ummm… YES! Love 3M- so many different products and their tape rocks! The spot where I need to hang the Chore Chart had previously had some hooks on it so I needed to patch those holes first so she also sent me the 3M Patch and Fill- which is so nice because it is a filler and primer so you can just paint over it with your wall color once it’s dry- no priming.  I love something that eliminates a step for me.

My next step was taping off lines on the magnetic boards I bought at Target- I used the 3M Scotch Blue Tape and then painted stripes in my new Annie Sloan yellow and a pretty blue.

This was impressive to me- there wasn’t a messy spot on the line after I pulled up the 3M Tape! And also no tape residue~

Once I had my lines done, I let the boys stamp their names on the top and then on one side put ‘To Do’ and the other side put ‘Done’.  This was the part I had to relinquish my perfectionist attitude about because I wanted them to feel involved:)

The little magnets that they helped me with are just clear stones with mod podged pictures on them with magnets hot glued to the backs.  I’m pretty sure the gluing was their favorite part of the whole project!

And I tell you what… they did every single chore on them so that they could move their magnets to the Done column! Even brushed their teeth an extra time:)

We are going to hang them up tomorrow but here is the finished product- sorry- blurred out the boy’s names for privacy… wouldn’t want the paparazzi to start stalking them!

3M did not sponsor this post but did provide some products- but all views and opinions were my own after using the products.

Have a great week!

B

xoxo

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